


The Stevonnie Chronicles

by emjam



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, College, Dancing, During Canon, F/M, Fluff, Gem Fusion, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Graduation, Grief/Mourning, How do fusions get a driver's license?, Implied/Mentioned Internalized Transphobia, Implied/Mentioned Transphobia, Light Angst, Little Homeschool, Navigating Era 3, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Steven Universe, One Shot Collection, Other, POV Outsider, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Canon, Stevonnie-centric, The DMV, The Major Character Death is in Ch 14, Weddings, permafusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 12,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22182277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emjam/pseuds/emjam
Summary: "Stevonnie just breathes a bit. A jelly donut in one hand, a plain donut in another. In, out. In, out."Various drabbles and short one-shots centered around Stevonnie.
Relationships: Amethyst & Stevonnie, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Garnet & Stevonnie (Steven Universe), Priyanka Maheswaran & Stevonnie, Stevonnie & Themself
Comments: 106
Kudos: 298





	1. Parent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in a future where steven and connie just had a daughter.

Thin stripes of moonlight fall across the comforter, leaving shadows behind in the negative space. A midnight thunderstorm pitter-patters against the bedroom windowpane. As the alarm clock on one of the nightstands blinks into a neon-blue 3:04 AM, a weak cry erupts from the speaker of the baby monitor next to it.

Bars of light shift with the comforter’s movement. Connie slowly rolls herself into a sitting position and rests her bare feet on the carpet, and the mattress creaks.

Steven makes a half-asleep noise. “I’m up,” he murmurs, though all he really manages to do is open his tired eyes and stare at the ceiling. His long black curls stick out in all directions. Frizzy ringlets splay across the off-white pillowcase.

“Go back to bed, Steven,” Connie yawns. “I got this.” She’s similarly disheveled, feeling her busy night in her bones.

“But you were up all night working.”

“But _you_ were up all night visiting that gem colony,” Connie retorts. Her nightgown swishes around her knees as she stands. Another warbled cry leaves the monitor.

“Nooo…” Steven finally succeeds in getting out of bed as well. “I’ll go.”

Connie rolls her eyes, but it’s fond. “Fine. We’ll both go.”

Exhaustion weighing down their limbs, they nevertheless link hands. Somewhere in between their bedroom, the kitchen, and their child’s room, they are now _they._ That wasn’t the plan, but the shared goal probably helped.

Stevonnie, a little run-down but with the combined resolve of two instead of one, reaches down into the crib and lifts the baby up. After a few wails, she stops crying to look at her parent with wide eyes. Stevonnie sits down in the nearby rocking chair with her. With unkempt, wild hair, mismatched pajamas, and a lot of love, they rock their daughter gently in their arms.

She falls back asleep. Eventually, Stevonnie does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was born out of my deep need for more Stevonnie content. welcome to my self-indulgent "favorite character" fanfic corner. we have cookies.
> 
> I will add more when the Stevonnie writing mood strikes me! :)


	2. The Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soon after the white diamond gem removal fiasco.

Stevonnie just breathes a bit. A jelly donut in one hand, a plain donut in another. In, out. In, out.

They take a bite of both donuts at the same time. The stars twinkle above. Subtly, the sand shifts beneath them.

“I know,” they say to the empty beach. And then they’re quiet again.

They know that if White had kept Steven’s gem out of his body, a lot would have happened. A lot of things that neither he, nor she, nor _they_ want to particularly think about. It didn’t happen, anyways. Steven’s still standing and breathing (when he exists, that is). The Crystal Gems’ colors aren’t washed away into white. The diamonds aren’t enforcing tyranny anymore.

And Stevonnie’s here right now, feeling the waves lap gently at their soles.

For a brief moment in time, there had been a possibility that Stevonnie would never exist again. They would never again run along the beach they called home, or form to protect their components in battle, or form to support and love. Or eat their donuts or hear their own laughter.

They want to figure out who Stevonnie is for themself, and that was possibly almost stolen from them - it takes two (or more) to tango. Now that they definitely have their existence, they don’t want to waste it. 

Stevonnie finishes the donuts and walks along the beach.


	3. Congraduations!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connie gets her masters!

“Oh my gosh, Connie, you did it!” Steven practically barrels into her.

Connie laughs, and the golden tassel on her hat moves with her. “I did! It took forever, but…” She flips open the leather binding enclosing her brand-new Master’s degree. “I can’t believe today’s real! Look, Steven!” She hands it to him.

Steven delicately receives it. “Oh wow, this is on really nice paper! And your name’s right there!” He makes sure to give it back to Connie where it will be in safe hands. Then, he tackles her with a real hug this time. “I’m so proud of you. Seriously.” A sniffle leaves him.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Connie returns the hug with a strong squeeze. Her training has always been hand-in-hand with her schoolwork, even though school usually takes precedence. The exhaustion from her schedule’s been worth it for her though - after all, she’s maintained the strength of her hugs. “You’re going to cry more than me, silly!” Even so, a happy tear streaks down her cheek.

When they part, they’re both blubbering messes.

“I’m just so happy for you!” Steven exclaims.

“And I’m so happy you cared about this, and came to see it,” Connie smiles back.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world. You know that.” Steven kisses her on the cheek.

With the giddiness of the whole day, Connie can’t help a giggle. “Steven, stop!”

“But you deserve so many smooches!” He peppers her reddened cheeks with happy pecks that keep her laughing and smiling. They’re holding each other, and spinning, and suddenly they’re a lot taller than usual. An awkwardly-cropped graduation gown hangs off of them, paired humorously with Steven’s jean shorts and frayed sneakers.

Some of Connie’s fellow graduates look at them with disbelief, but they don’t care. Connie’s confidence is so strong now, and so is Steven’s love. Together, they take another look at her diploma. Stevonnie is so proud of her. She deserves this. And they want to celebrate that.

With a winning grin, Stevonnie tosses their graduation cap into the air and lets it fall wherever it may. They have to go see their family now. As they walk off with Connie’s newly-earned achievement, sparkling joy warms them every step of the way.


	4. Stubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stevonnie is a bit worried about a change.

The Dondai keys clatter into the key bowl by the door. Stevonnie shuts the door behind them and quietly puts Connie’s bag down nearby. They can hear every one of their movements, feel every point where their clothes shift uncomfortably on their form. And yet, it doesn’t push them to unfuse. This is a problem _Stevonnie_ is having, not a problem that’s splitting Connie and Steven apart.

With a sticky noise, Amethyst’s Temple door struggles open. Amethyst walks out, and her door squishes shut behind her. She’s looking at something on her phone. “Hey, Steve-o.” Then she looks up. “Oh! Hey Stevonnie, what’s up? Haven’t seen you in a hot minute.”

Stevonnie is thankful to smile. “Hey! I’m good. Steven and Connie wanted to take a walk around town as me, so here I am.” They pause. “It was… fun?” They try.

Something is caught in Amethyst’s eyes. “Wait a sec. Something’s different about you.”

If she’s talking about what they think she’s talking about, they know Amethyst won’t be weird about it, so they keep smiling. “Yeah?” This feels so much easier than earlier.

Amethyst scrutinizes their face. With an incredulous gasp, she says, “Stevonnie, is that _stubble_? You can grow that!?” Starry-eyed, she adds, “that is so _cool_.”

Oh, wow, someone thinks so? “Thanks, I guess. I wanted to try it out. I think I like it, but…” They hesitate to continue.

Amethyst can tell. “But what? Looks sick to me.” Amethyst shapeshifts a stubble pattern similar to Stevonnie’s across her face. “Am I right, or am I right?” She nods knowingly.

“Pfft, Amethyst,” Stevonnie laughs. “I dunno, people are weird about it, though.” They self-consciously touch their scratchy sideburns and the hairs beginning to populate their chin. “Some people at the boardwalk were… really mean.” Those people had called them awful names. Steven wanted to fight them, and Connie wanted to leave the boardwalk, but what kept Stevonnie together at the time was an inexplicable sense of shame that their components shared. They can tell that she and he both feel guilty about that, too.

“So what if they were mean?” Amethyst counters with all her usual bravado. “People are gonna be dicks if you’re different. We both know that,” she shrugs. “But you could have a full beard, like, a Santa-sized one-” she shapeshifts a comically long beard to match, and then lets it disappear - “and the people that count would stick around. Like me.” Her smile softens.

One trusting look in Amethyst’s eyes melts all of Stevonnie’s awkwardness. “Thanks, Amethyst.” They stop fidgeting with their facial hair and leave it be. They want it to be there, after all. They stoop down and give Amethyst a hug.

“Yeah, alright, you tall doofus made up of smaller doofuses,” Amethyst laughs, but her returning hug is sincere.

The two of them part.

“I think I’m gonna go watch TV for a bit.” As themself, not Steven or Connie. They want to hang out with themself and feel the hug of existing.

They go and do exactly that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a bit long.. oops


	5. Permafusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie wants to talk to Garnet about something that she has a lot more experience with than they do.

Stevonnie takes a deep breath.

They can do this.

First things first, go up to Garnet. The rest doesn’t matter - don’t get caught up on that now. 

They put one foot in front of another, familiar sand shifting beneath their feet. It’s where they feel most at home. Steven grew up here and Connie’s life changed here. Stevonnie was created here.

Recently they haven’t been choosing outfits based on how Steven and Connie’s will look mashed together. They’ve just been… getting outfits for themself. Their pastel purple hoodie feels warm and overbearing at the moment, though maybe that’s just nerves.

There’s Garnet. Her visor holds the ocean. She sits like stone on the beach, like she’s one of the statues that’s been embedded in the sand for thousands of years.

For some reason, Stevonnie’s surprised when Garnet speaks first.

“I’m listening,” she says to the water. As usual, the words are neutral.

“Oh, um, good,” Stevonnie stutters. They sit beside Garnet in a similar meditative way, legs crossed, probably out of habit.

Garnet is rock-still. “I see many futures for this conversation.”

“Okay.” The ocean ebbs and flows. It tickles Stevonnie’s feet, but their eyes don’t stray from the middle distance on the flat blue horizon. “Uh, should I be worried?”

Garnet doesn’t say yes or no. What she does say is, “You never need to be scared to talk to me, Stevonnie.”

“I… I guess not.” They resist the urge to break from their position to draw nervous circles in the sand. “I wanted to ask you something, but I don’t want you to - to freak out?”

A small smile lifts Garnet’s lips. “I don’t think that will be a problem. Go ahead, Stevonnie. Like I said, I’m listening.”

“Okay.” Now that they’re here, it’s a little less straightforward than they envisioned in their head. They turn to Garnet, the sea breeze tugging their hair back. “How did you know you wanted to be… you? Permanently?”

Garnet smiles in full now. “Of course. This timeline is the only one that truly makes sense.” She waves away her visor. Her three eyes shine brightly.

She begins. “Here’s what you need to know.”


	6. Shep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie meets someone new that gives them something they didn't realize was missing.

Sadie’s new sound is really, really fun. Sure, Steven misses the more hardcore stuff from Sadie Killer and the Suspects, but… this is good too, actually. It’s another outside show on the beach, which Steven is quickly realizing is his favorite kind.

“Thanks for coming with me, Connie,” Steven murmurs.

Connie squeezes his hand. “Of course! I always love seeing Sadie perform.”

Up on stage, Sadie has a smile on her face as she sings into the microphone with ease. Beside her, Shep accompanies on a keyboard. Sadie looks light as air, like she could float on clouds. It’s different. Everyone’s changing. And Steven’s happy for her and her partner, of course, but…

“Hey.”

Steven looks at Connie. She’s smiling softly, her dark hair perfectly hugging her face. “Get out of your head, okay? Dance with me.”

“Okay,” Steven tears himself away from spiraling thoughts. He forces himself to take her other hand. “Sure.”

Sadie’s new sound is calm and cheerful. Steven and Connie let each other go and dance around each other, laughing at how silly they look. Steven’s waving his arms above his head, and Connie is swaying back and forth.

Returning together, they clasp both their hands together and tug each other along.

“I love dancing with you,” Connie smiles.

“Haha, I love dancing with _you_!” Steven reddens. “Thanks for getting me out of my head, Connie.”

“Anytime.”

They draw close, Steven giving her a little magical kiss on her forehead that makes her giggle. A pink glow warms them.

Stevonnie opens their eyes mid-sway, finding that they’re already dancing. “Oh. Okay.” They laugh to themself and keep going, enjoying Sadie and Shep’s new music. Steven was worried about this, but Stevonnie can see beyond his worries. New tunes are always good tunes. They enjoy the rest of the concert by themself, watching their friend perform.

After the show, Stevonnie sticks around while the crowd leaves.

“Stevonnie! I didn’t know you were gonna be here!” Sadie calls, putting on her hoodie. She’s running up to them.

“Ha, I didn’t know either, at first.” They waver, their components coming apart slightly in uncertainty - is Sadie mad at Steven for the whole ‘doming his friends in’ thing? But it’s okay, she understands doesn’t she - but only for a second. Ultimately, they come back together. “Your show was great! I love the direction you’re going in,” they tell her.

“Aw, thanks! I think I like it too.” Sadie grins. “Oh! I know Steven and Connie have met them, but I don’t think _you’ve_ met Shep yet, right? Unless you don’t need to, since your parts already did - I dunno.”

Stevonnie giggles. “No, I haven’t met them yet. I would love to.”

“Hey Sadie, who’s this?”

"Oh! Hey Shep!" Sadie looks so excited, it's adorable. She links arms with the person - Shep - that appeared beside her. "This is Stevonnie! I think you met Steven and Connie. This is them, but, um, not?" Sadie shakes her head with a laugh. "Sorry, I don't know how to explain it!"

"It's okay! It's a little confusing." Stevonnie turns to Shep. "You know Gems, right?"

"Oh, yeah, Sadie's been telling me a lot about them."

"Oh, good, that makes it a bit easier," they laugh. "Steven has a Gem, and so he can fuse with other people. And I'm what happens when Steven fuses with Connie."

"Wow." Shep blinks. "That's really cool! So you're… Stevonnie, then. Nice to meet you!" They hold out their hand. "I guess you already know, but I'm Shep, they and them, please."

Steven doesn't shake people's hands much - even elite gem generals don't shake his hand, because it's not really a thing outside of Earth. He doesn't really like to do it. Connie, on the other hand, has tons of experience shaking hands with interviewers and audition directors and the like. Stevonnie, in the end, stares at Shep's hand for a bit too long, then remembers themself and shakes it. They process what Shep said. "Oh! Yeah, me too, actually! About the, um, pronouns."

"Oh, sick!" Shep puts their hands in their pockets.

"Yeah! Wow, I've never actually met a human like me before - as myself, I mean." Steven and Connie take Shep in stride, naturally, but Stevonnie feels a kinship with them that they hadn't even realized they were missing.

As a Gem, Stevonnie understands and relates to Steven's - their - Gem family. They see themself as a Gem, at least partially, and fall in line with conversations about Gem activity with the ease of a native speaker embracing their first language. But as a human, it’s not the same. There’s always been a discomfort when they see someone box them in as one thing or another, as a specific kind of human that they simply are not. As a Gem, things are fine, but as a person with identity, Stevonnie realizes that they don't relate that innately to anyone at all.

Until now.

The thought is enough to bring Stevonnie to a shy and blooming smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try to communicate the feeling of being a nonbinary person alone that doesn't have someone to relate to. But without saying it outright with terminology. I hope that came across here, this one was a bit more difficult to write!


	7. Understanding [1/2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie meets Priyanka. It's hard to explain themself to her, but they come up with an idea that might help.

“So, um. This is me.” Stevonnie awkwardly gestures to themself, to their jean capris and to the yellow button-down layered atop one of Dad Universe’s black merch shirts. To their bare feet, because it’s almost impossible to find shoes that fit them and, anyways, they like the intimate contact with the ground. To their thick dark hair that poofs and spirals in a perfect amalgamation of Steven’s and Connie’s waves and curls.

The kitchen clock ticks ominously in the silence.

Dr. Mom Maheswaran has this intense look on her face. Part of Stevonnie recognizes that look, has plenty of experience with it, but the whole of Stevonnie is still intimidated and nervous.

Finally, she hums lowly, which doesn’t tell Stevonnie _anything_. She starts. “So I understand that you - that Steven’s parents have performed this… fusion, before. And that was when we first met them. Is it - how, how _intimate_ is this practice, exactly?”

Stevonnie feels torn. They want to give an honest answer, but, well, they really don’t want to give Dr. Mom any bad ideas. “Um…” They inhale, and exhale, and draw on everything they know about fusion, and the fusions they know, and the experience of being themself. “It really depends, actually, on the relationship. Friends do it all the time. Garnet is a permanent fusion that exists because Ruby and Sapphire love each other and work best together. But just because two Gems love each other, doesn’t mean that they’re fused all the time. And actually it’s more like a tool for most Gems. Like when Amethyst and Steven fuse to help out in battle.”

Dr. Mom blinks slowly at the barrage of words being thrown at her. She’s surprisingly calm about it. In the yellowish lighting of the kitchen, she just squints, puzzling over the idea.

Why is this so hard?

Dr. Mom deliberately articulates. “But this is not a battle situation right now.”

“Yeah! Yeah, um.” Stevonnie nervously tangles their hand in their messy curls. “It’s also just… nice?” At the look on her face, Stevonnie tumbles over their words. “I mean, it’s like a hug! Like, Steven and Connie just supporting each other constantly while I exist.”

“So you’re both of them working together in one body?”

“Well, sure, but -” Stevonnie sighs in frustration. “I’m my own person, but I’m also both of them. Like how Garnet is her own person.” Confusion twists Dr. Mom’s brow. Stevonnie facepalms. “I wish I could just show you,” they mutter. Then they gasp, their head shooting up, looking at Dr. Mom with starry, excited eyes. A beautiful firework of an idea just burst in their mind. “Wait! Momheswaran! I _can_ show you!” They lean back in their seat and their chair squeaks. “I mean, if you want. It would mean a lot to Steven and Connie if you understand this sort of thing better, but there’s absolutely no pressure. Fusion has to be a choice,” they stress.

Shock. She draws back as well, with wide eyes. The kitchen lighting slides away from her graying bangs and blue sweater with the motion. “Are you saying… You can fuse with other humans?”

Stevonnie shrugs. “Actually, Steven’s never tried it with anyone other than Connie and Dad Universe, but… I don’t see why it won’t work? Fusion doesn’t permanently affect the human body - it wouldn’t hurt you. And it could really explain me to you!”

Honestly, they’re just throwing the idea out there. They don’t expect her to take them up on it, and that’s okay. Fusion is complicated and a _lot_ , especially for humans that don’t have much contact with Gems. It would be interesting, but Dr. Mom has very strict rules and viewpoints on how the world runs. It would make sense for her to say no.

That’s why Stevonnie’s jaw drops when Dr. Mom mutters “it would be useful to understand,” and she stands, and she says “How do you fuse?”

So they start.


	8. Understanding [2/2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie's idea works.

Steven’s phone rests on the kitchen table, where it plays a melodic, lighthearted piano piece. Not too fast, but still with an enjoyable and calming beat. Stevonnie rubs their arm. Dr. Mom furrows her brow at the plucking piano notes and looks up at Stevonnie.

“You are… very tall.”

“Hah. Yeah.” Stevonnie smiles. “I dunno how much taller I’ll get, but I’m even taller than I used to be.”

Dr. Mom hums enigmatically again. “Would you let me run tests on you, Stevonnie?”

Stevonnie’s brain stutters on that. Steven would say yes, just because it might result in helpful information. Connie doesn’t want her mom to subjugate this part of her life to tests and prodding and analysis; she just wants Stevonnie to _be_. “I don’t know,” they try haltingly. “I don’t think so.”

“You took a second. Are Connie and Steven arguing in there?” She raises a brow.

“They don’t talk to each other - I mean not like that. It’s me.”

“Hm.” The phone on the table is still plinking out tunes. “I didn’t expect part of the fusion process to be… dancing.”

“It’s a good way to get in sync.”

“I thought Connie never liked to dance?”

“Not… not in front of you, Momheswaren.” Stevonnie bites their lip. “Sorry. It’s true.”

Something flickers across her face, but she shuts her eyes. “I understand.” She opens them. “I hope you’re comfortable dancing in front of me, Stevonnie.”

Stevonnie smiles at her. “I can do that!” They listen closely to the piano medley and begin to sway back and forth, air-piano-playing with their fingers.

Dr. Mom seems to find herself and begins to feel the beat. She is more coordinated and specific than Stevonnie, knowing how to look sophisticated with her arms. “You’ll have to forgive me, I don’t dance often,” she huffs.

“Nah, you’re doing great!” Stevonnie grins. Tentatively, they take a step forward. They want her to - no, _need_ her to understand this part of Steven and Connie. How it isn’t inappropriate. What it means, what it does, what it represents. They want her to understand. And if Dr. Mom wants to understand, the fusion should work. Shared goal, right?

They take their mom-not-mom’s hands in their own larger ones and do a playful little twirl with her that Connie would never do out of embarrassment and Steven out of lack of confidence. She lets out a surprised laugh, and there’s a pinkish glow, and then Stevonnie and Priyanka aren’t there anymore.

Instead, a three-component-they has to stop themself from just barely bumping the ceiling with their head. “What - huh?” The voice is deeper. They look down at themself. Taller than Stevonnie, but only a little. Slightly darker skin with more pinkish undertones than Connie or Priyanka. As expected, Priyanka’s shoes are on the ground - they wouldn’t make it. They run a large hand over their star-patterned blue sweater and tug a bit at the yellow collar of the button-down underneath. Slack capris? Is that a thing? It is now, they suppose.

“Hmm. The real question is - oh my gosh, how old am I?” They find a mirror in the side bathroom and poke at their crows feet. An experienced face older than Priyanka’s looks back. “Fascinating,” they murmur to their wild mane of salt-and-pepper waves. Reflexively, with a twinge of novelty, they summon a hexagonal shield. It’s smaller than usual, but still there. They let it dissipate into starlight. “Huh.”

A stern look sets their face. “Privonnie.” A goofy, deep laugh ruins the face they were making. “I can’t decide whether that sounds pretty or silly. Or pretty silly.” They blink to themself. “Wait a minute. How does nutrition work?”

The bathroom fills with a dull pink, and then two teenagers and one adult are laying disgruntled on the bathroom floor.

“Ahh! Mom, what was that?” Connie exclaims. Steven just rubs his head. He had hit it on the side of the bathtub.

Priyanka seriously lays a hand on each teen’s shoulder. “Connie, Steven, I need to know that you’re eating while you’re Stevonnie. You may be a different experience as a fusion, but you’re still made up of human bodies that need nutrients.”

Steven pipes up. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Maheswaren! We eat like normal as Stevonnie. I think they have a stomach?” He pauses. “Maybe two?”

“Never mind the stomachs. Mom, how - how do you feel about that? Do you understand Stevonnie better? Or fusion?”

“I - well.” Priyanka sits back. “I will be honest, I thought fusion was a comparison to other levels of… intimacy when I first heard of it.”

Steven and Connie make the same disconcerted face.

“But this was very helpful, actually. I didn’t know you just… disappeared. We really were a new being, weren’t we? While still being present.” Priyanka puts a hand to her mouth in thought. “Huh. I will say, Stevonnie makes a bit more sense now.”

“Thanks for letting us show you,” Steven says hesitantly. “Fusion’s really important to us.”

“Yeah.” Connie gives her mom a tentative smile. “It means a lot that you were willing to learn firsthand about something so… foreign.” It looks as if she’s struggling with something, playing with her hands. It would be easy to just leave it at that. But no. Suddenly, she wraps her arms around her mom, and Steven piles on as well.

Priyanka blinks at the two teenagers and settles her arms against their backs.

“Stevonnie’s really grateful that you understand them better,” Steven says into Priyanka’s sweater.

“Well.” Priyanka can’t help her small smile. “Thank you for showing me, Steven. Connie. And tell Stevonnie thank you for helping me understand.”

Connie hugs her tighter. “Will do.”


	9. Being a They

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie try to form Stevonnie for the first time since the proposal. But Steven brings some feelings to the table that Connie talks him through.

Stevonnie sits awkwardly on the edge of Connie’s bed.

“This feels kind of weird,” they say to themself. “I know,” they reply. “Do you want to stop? No, I’m okay, are you okay? Yeah.”

They take a deep breath and feel the air filling their lungs. After a moment, the air flutters out of them. They feel… exhausted. But cozy. Like a childhood blanket you rediscover years later, all raggedy but still comforting. They run a hand through their tangled hair. It gets caught in a mass of curls.

Comfortable, but not there yet. They sigh. “I don’t think I should do this right now.” A soft glow in the dark of Connie’s room, and then Steven and Connie are splayed out across Connie’s comforter, holding hands and staring up at the ceiling.

“Sorry,” Steven supplies.

“It’s okay, Steven, I was off too.” Connie searches the ceiling for words. “I know we were both excited to give Stevonnie another try, but I think they can’t be here right now. Not yet.”

“That’s okay.” Steven stretches out across the chilly comforter. It’s like the cold side of a pillow.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Connie asks to the air between them. “I felt some different things from your end and I - I don’t know if you want to talk about them, but -”

“Oh! That. Um. I… I kind of want to, but I don’t know how.”

“I’m here, Steven.”

“I know.” They finally turn their heads to see each other, and he smiles at her. “And I appreciate it.” His smile falls just a bit. “When I proposed,” and it’s a measure of his progress in therapy that he doesn’t flush a scalding pink, “I wanted to be Stevonnie so that I could be complete and, I guess, purposeful?” He squeezes her hand gently. “I don’t want to use Stevonnie like that anymore. But I think there might be another reason that I like being them so much. I mean, other than how wonderful it feels being us.” A blush crawls up Steven’s cheeks.

Connie laughs lightly, like a song. “It does feel pretty great.” She gives him a returning squeeze. Outside the window, stars begin to fill the sky. “What’s the reason? I couldn’t really parse it from Stevonnie…”

The bed creaks abruptly. It’s Steven turning full-body towards her, curling in on himself. His plain t-shirt twists up. His hand leaves hers to encircle himself in protection. “Connie,” he starts suddenly, quickly, “I think I really liked being a ‘them.’” His face crumbles just a bit.

“Oh. _Oh_.” His hand had run away from her, but she reaches out with both hands and grasps his wide one in hers. “Okay,” she says gently. “Um, what does that mean for you?”

“I’m not, uh, super sure yet. I just…” He drags his free hand down his face. “It’s hard to figure out, y’know? I just started feeling like I really _got_ being human recently, like, halfway into my trip. I felt like I was in the right place even though I don’t have any experience with human things like school and taxes and jobs. But then I realized that people outside of Beach City see me really, really differently than people inside of it.” Steven blinks rapidly against his tears, shoulders hunching more.

“And how is that?” Connie encourages.

“I - like a masculine dude, a guy. But I don’t know if I’m uncomfortable because Gems aren’t dudes and I’m a Gem, or if it’s because I hate comparing myself to _either_ of my parents right now, or - or is it because I’m not human?” The rising moonlight catches the reflection of his tears now collecting against the dip of his nose and falling down his cheeks. “Connie, I want to be human. I want to be human so bad. I don’t want to feel so uncomfortable with a normal person thing like gender. I don’t wanna be a - a fucking alien!”

Steven stops short as Connie wraps her arms around him, pressing him flush to her. Holding him.

“Being uncomfortable with gender is human too,” she says to him.

A sob escapes him. “It is?"

"Yeah, it is." She softly strokes his curls. His head buries into her shoulder. "There are plenty of humans that like being 'them.' And it doesn't make them less human. You met Shep, right? They’re a ‘them.’”

“Yeah, but I feel like they have good human reasons to be uncomfortable with he or she, probably, and I just have alien blood and weird baggage. It’s not the same.”

Connie bites the inside of her cheek. “Why not?”

“Huh?” Steven lifts his head to look at her, his messy hair springing in all directions.

“I mean, Shep knows what they don’t like, and they know that being neither works for them. Maybe, just for the sake of argument, they really do have ‘human’ reasons to feel this way that you don’t. But who’s to say your types of feelings aren’t as valid as theirs?” Connie presses a hand against his wet cheek. “Steven, if you want to be a ‘they,’ be a ‘they.’ It doesn’t matter why. I’ll support you every step of the way.”

He sniffs. “Even if I change my mind later?”

“Of course.” She kisses his forehead. “You’re allowed to change your mind, Steven. Always.”

Dusk settles into a cool nighttime as Connie tells them, “You can be whatever kind of Steven you want to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to my kitchen. we have bananas. and gender feelings
> 
> this one ended up being tangentially related to stevonnie, sowwy


	10. Syllabus Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A college freshman didn't expect to have such an unusual roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely respect the canon where Steven and connie didn't go to college together as Stevonnie, because not doing that is the healthiest and best option for them in canon, and steven was just running away from himself. But I wanted to look at an alternate universe where steven and connie were both willing to go to college as Stevonnie, and for healthy reasons, so here! An outsider POV.

Katie twirls her finger around a strand of mousy brown hair and listens to the dial tone, the phone hot against her ear. Finally, her mom picks up.

"Hey, sweetheart, how are you? Settling in?"

Katie almost sighs in relief. She's excited to be here, in a cramped dorm in a new place with a lot of new things to do, but it's still a little scary. It's nice to touch base with home. "I'm doing good, mom. I had my Art History and Computer Science classes today. They just talked about the syllabi."

"Don't skip syllabus week, Katie!" Her mother chimes, like she had a few times in the week leading up to Katie's move-in day.

Katie laughs. "I know, mom. I'm holding onto all of the syllabi and writing everything down on my calendar. It's all posted online, too."

"I wish I had that sort of thing when I went to school," her mom laments. "The amount of important papers I lost…"

"Cause you weren't organized?" Katie guesses.

"Yes!" They both laugh. "Are you getting along with your roommate?"

"Kind of? They're really nice, just a little weird. But not bad weird!" Stevonnie just talks to themself sometimes and maybe their eyes glow in the dark, though maybe Katie was just seeing things. Although it's hard to make up the image of their 8-foot-tall gargantuan roommate slurping ramen noodles in the dark, the faint pink glow of their pupils shedding soft light on the mini-fridge at 2 in the morning.

"You're comfortable around them, right?"

"Yes! They're not creepy or anything." Unless Katie's just woken up in the middle of the night and sees the scene with the ramen and the eyes. "I'm really glad I could get a roommate who's like me in the gender-inclusive housing. I heard the school's finicky about even putting kids in the housing who need it in the first place."

"Like you? But I thought you used 'they' for your roommate?"

"Yeah, we're both trans - like, they probably weren't assigned nonbinary when they popped out of the womb, right?"

"Oh, I thought you meant they were a girl -" her mom pauses - then, sheepish laughter. "I get it. I'll get this all eventually."

"It's okay, I know you will," Katie says softly. The sound of someone fumbling with their keys comes through the door to their dorm. "Oh, that's them right now! Gotta go mom, I'll text you later!"

"Of course, sweetheart, have fun! I'll be thinking of you. Love you!"

"Love you too, bye!" She ends the call and looks down to the two syllabi on her desk. Maybe if she writes every due date down she won't procrastinate too bad?

"Hi, Katie!" Stevonnie greets as they enter the shared room. Their wild hair is tamed in a functional braid with a little wildflower tucked into it near their scalp. They unload their messenger bag on their bed.

Katie looks over. It's kind of hard not to; Stevonnie is an imposing presence, to be honest. "Hey, Stevonnie," she responds with an awkward smile. "You… went out barefoot? Doesn't that hurt?"

Stevonnie launches themself on their bed and begins to pull out textbooks. "Ha, actually, I'm really used to it! My feet are toughies." They pause. "Though I have to wear shoes for class. Which is difficult, because I can never find them in my size?"

Katie doesn't expect that, and she snorts. "Oh my gosh, I suck at finding shoes in my size too. Like, come on, girls with big feet wanna look cute too!"

"I think everyone with big feet should be allowed to look cute! We should start a club," Stevonnie says cheerfully. They probably don't mean it about the club, but it's kind of hard to tell when they're joking.

"Or we could go shoe shopping together." Katie surprises herself sometimes. Look at her, initiating a social event!

Stevonnie smiles. "Ooh, I'd have to take a look at my budget for the semester, but that sounds really fun!"

"Oh, um, great! We should plan it sometime." Katie turns back to her syllabi and takes a pen to her calendar. She feels just a little bit less nervous, now.


	11. Negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie has a crush on a friend. Steven and Connie talk it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The crush is an unnamed third person that uses ze/hir pronouns. I did this in order to easily distinguish between hir and everyone else when using pronouns, lol.

“Ugh. This is stupid.”

Stevonnie falls backwards onto Connie’s bed. They fix their stern eyes on the ceiling. “Why does stuff have to be so complicated?” A lock of black hair suddenly floats into their vision - not their own, it’s too fine for that. “Is that hir?'' They turn their head to see someone on their mind who isn’t actually there. With a white-hot glow, they split apart.

“Oh jeez,” Connie groans, burying her face in her hands.

“I dunno,” Steven optimistically comments beside her, as if they never even split and were still holding this conversation. He had landed in such a way that his feet sit on the pillows at the head of the bed. “If Stevonnie likes hir, why can’t they just go out together?”

“Because Stevonnie is a conditional person, Steven!” Connie winces. “Sorry for yelling. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” Steven says, but Connie’s reproachful look makes him rephrase. “I mean, thank you for apologizing. I appreciate it.” He rubs his arm, lost in thought. “Just, we both think ze’s cool, right?”

“So cool,” Connie agrees regretfully. “But we don’t like hir like that.”

“But Stevonnie does,” he says, even though they both know that. “We could form Stevonnie to let them see each other?”

“True.” Connie runs a worried hand through her thick hair. “But I don’t want to force Stevonnie to happen. I want them to be there when we want to be them.”

“Me too. I kinda hate ‘fusion appointments,’” Steven laughs. “I don’t like scheduling existences.”

“Exactly! Every time ze’s met Stevonnie it’s been because they just happened to exist when we ran into each other or hung out.” She grabs a pillow and shoves her face into the cool white pillowcase. The pillow muffles her agitated noises. She pulls it off her face to say, “And me and you are dating, which makes it even more complicated.”

“Ha, yeah. I love dating you!” Steven rests a calming hand on her arm. “You’re cute and smart and amazing…”

Connie’s frustration dissolves into giggles. “Aw, Steven…”

“It’s true! But if either one of us ever likes somebody else and wants to date them too, I’d be okay with it if you are.”

“...Like polyamory?”

“If that’s what that is, then yes!” Steven nods.

Connie finally smiles. “You know what, I would be okay with that too. I feel like people have a lot of love to share. If they’re inclined to sharing with more than one person, anyways.” She falls silent for a moment. “But neither of us wants to date hir. It’s Stevonnie who does.”

Steven sighs. “Yeah. Hmm.” He snaps his fingers. “How about - if Stevonnie discusses it with hir, and ze wants to date them, and ze says yes - we just hang out with hir like normal and, if Stevonnie shows up, the two can do more romantic stuff together? No commitments, just a ‘when the situation calls for it’ type of thing.”

“Hmm. That will have to be super thoroughly explained to hir,” she murmurs.

“Communication is definitely important,” Steven agrees with resolve.

“Okay. Huh. Let’s try it. We can explain it next time we see hir?”

“Sure! Or whenever we’re ready.” Afternoon sunlight falls in a perfect window-shaped square across Steven. Even though the conversation is a bit heavy, it doesn’t feel like work. “And, to be honest, I do think ze's kinda cute…” He blushes.

“Good, ‘cause I do too.”

“Really?”

Connie nods with a bashful smile, her hair splayed across the blankets and the pillow now clutched over her abdomen.

“Neat. Thanks for sharing, Strawberry.” Steven leans over and pecks her on the cheek. He leans down and rests his head against her pillow, feeling her breathing rise and fall. Connie automatically threads her fingers through his curls. “And if either of us wants to change anything about this, we’ll let each other know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie are on big brain polyamory negotiations because they have to include their fusion in them.


	12. Shore and Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie wasn't always their own person.

Stevonnie wasn’t always their own person.

When Garnet first fused, she was an odd mixture of dusky Sapphire and pinkish Ruby. They were plunked together into one without much forethought or knowledge of herself. She didn’t have any answers for who she was. She only had questions. Her form, her sense of self, her person were all mysteries. As the years progressed, though, so did Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship, settling into a mature and stable Gem of her own. The identity of Garnet became just as tangible as the identity of Ruby and of Sapphire. She had her own decisions, her own personality, her own jokes, her own relationships.

Stevonnie didn’t always have those.

Their first foray into existence was an accidental, confused step that swam with Steven and Connie’s tangled selves. It was two distinct voices speaking together, over each other, through each other. It was joy and safety and like holding hands, but not. They talked to themself and ran along the beach as a two-in-one package deal. New and exciting, and the divide between Steven and Connie was solid-sharp.

Over time, though, that divide dwindled, cut away like waves eroding the beach.

The jungle moon saw Stevonnie in a singular perspective. They acted as one person - one person tying knots, foraging for food, getting some much-needed rest. Sometimes they were split down the middle, trying to make different decisions at the same time about food or shelter, but it never split them completely.

It became easy to decide in the seconds of white burning fusion what they wanted their outfit combination to look like - they learned that they didn’t like skirts so those usually converted to shorts, and they learned that they liked the look of layering crop tops and jackets. They decided how to appear instead of letting the decision happen for them.

By the time Stevonnie showed up at the roller skating rink, their existence was an old dance. Steven and Connie weren’t exactly dual-piloting them. Motion was fluid water on sand, two arms and two legs working through one body. They knew who they were. They knew that they liked their hair most when it didn’t quite fall past their shoulder blades. They knew that they sometimes didn’t mind their stubble - sometimes did - and that was okay. They weren’t Steven and Connie. They were just _being_. Just Stevonnie.

Eventually there was no line between the shore and the sea.


	13. Solidarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie meets a new hybrid-and-human fusion, and gives some advice.

In the past, Stevonnie once ached for other quarter-Gem fusions like them, at least for someone who understood the unique struggles of a human-component fusion. Human things like illness and puberty combine in unpredictable ways with Gem things like superstrength and superspeed. Reconciling the human and the Gem is hard for a fusion - at least, Stevonnie would have to assume so, because the only measure they used to have was themself.

That’s not the case anymore. Now Stevonnie doesn’t have to wish for another fusion; another one exists.

Stevonnie pushes a thick strand of gray-streaked hair behind their ear and clasps their hands on their lap, a gesture hovering between the way Steven bounces his leg when he’s nervous and the coiled tension of Connie when she stiffens from anxiety. This isn’t going to be a bad meeting, it’s just… new.

Steven and Connie are in their thirties now, and a lot has changed in the world since the shaky beginnings of peace negotiations. Gem-human relationship seminars seemed like a good idea soon after the fall of the Empire. Those seminars were quite popular at the time as Gems and humans sought to understand their neighbors. Who knew it would lead to more hybrids?

The first newborn Gem-human hybrid had affected Steven viscerally. He had been there right after the birth, there to comfort the now-partnerless parent, there to see another human baby with a Gem inside them, there to watch the Jade cabochon on the baby’s hand shine under the hospital lights.

But that’s a separate issue - not that there are many new hybrids out there anyways, perhaps three at most. Today, Steven and Connie aren’t here. Stevonnie is in their stead in order to speak fusion-on-fusion to the first three-fourths-human fusion to ever exist at the same time as Stevonnie.

A knock on the door. This room is rented out in one of the Gem rehabilitation buildings, and is the perfect picture of a generic 10-by-12 office. Small, but decorated openly. “Come in,” they call.

The door creaks open gently. A young face peers in - slight frame, lanky, tall. The fusion sports patchy facial hair and an interesting combination of a button down and basketball shorts. The overhead lights glint off of the smooth lemony jade atop their left hand.

Stevonnie smiles at the uncertain face of their visitor. “Hi!” They greet warmly. “Feel free to sit.”

The fusion nods, shoulder-length dirty-blond hair swaying along, and sits on the loveseat opposite Stevonnie’s chair. Stevonnie knows that part of this fusion is the Jade-human hybrid, whose name is Thomas. Apparently, Thomas has been fusing on-and-off for the past couple of weeks with his friend Joseph. Not knowing what to do, the parent had contacted Stevonnie, who is more than happy to talk to this new fusion. More than happy - elated.

“Um, hi,” the fusion lets out. Their voice is somewhere between a high register and a mid-tone.

“If you would like to share, what’s your name? Oh, and pronouns would be useful too - those can be whatever feels right to you, by the way - and it’s okay if you don’t know either of those things yet!” They pull back a bit. “Sorry, am I going too fast?” Stevonnie now personally understands the overwhelming excitement that gripped Garnet when she first saw Stevonnie - it's surprisingly easy to get carried away!

“No, um...” the fusion looks down at their hands, long fingers clutching their knees. “Tomeph.” Tomeph cracks a small smile. “Yeah. That’s my name. And - ‘he’ is fine.”

“Okay, Tomeph!” Stevonnie claps their hands together happily. The two making up this fusion are thirteen and fourteen, and bring to mind a time when Stevonnie was younger and newer and doing cartwheels on the sand. “Your parents set this meeting up so that you could ask questions. As a fusion, I’ve been around for a while, so don’t feel bad about your questions. It’s natural to be curious.”

“Okay.” Tomeph’s quiet nature opens up a bit. “It’s an honor to meet you, Stevonnie. Thomas loved stories about Steven and Connie as a kid, and Joseph thinks Connie is so cool…” Heat rises to his cheeks. “But - um - so I have a question…” His hands come together, fingers entangling. “Is it wrong to be fusing like this? We’re - I’m young, and our parents are worried…”

Stevonnie just barely stops themself from turning to hard, clipped tones, leftover anger from being seen as inappropriate. But they don’t want to exacerbate that issue - they manage to keep it light. “Well, do you know how young Steven and Connie were when I first appeared?”

“No.” Tomeph shakes his head. “How young?”

“Twelve and thirteen.” They smile at Tomeph’s wide eyes. “If you’re safe and happy, it’s not inappropriate, and it’s not wrong. Tell me, what do you feel as a fusion?”

Tomeph goes silent for a moment. He hasn’t thought of this before. “I guess - safety, and comfort. Acceptance. Tom and Joseph can tell each other anything… I feel like that, but way stronger. Like… supported? Sorry, that sounds dumb.”

“It doesn’t sound dumb.” Stevonnie’s encouraging smile splits into a grin. “Tomeph, that sounds a lot like me.” The fusion in front of them is so, so young - bright eyes, the frame of someone in their mid-twenties. He has a lot of time to figure himself out.

“Really?”

Stevonnie nods. “You’re a healthy fusion, Tomeph - I can already tell. So don’t let anyone tell you you’re not supposed to be here, okay? Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’m sure you’ve got more questions.”

Tomeph lets questions spill out about the safety of fusion with humans, the way skills express themselves in a fusion, and the way human bodily changes affect a fusion like him. Stevonnie answers every question with patience and understanding, and when their time is up, Stevonnie agrees to see Tomeph again if he needs help. Not just for his sake, but for Stevonnie’s too.

It’s nice to have someone like themself around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me before writing this chapter: aw dang, i need to make up a hybrid-human fusion for this  
> me after writing this chapter: i will actually protect tomeph with my life


	14. Two Graves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie passes away.

She had said not to revive her. That when she passed, there would be no return, no pinkening of her skin, no bleach to her hair.

No matter how Steven feels, no matter how much their family begs, he can't break that promise.

So many people come to Connie's funeral. Students, coworkers, leaps and bounds of family. So many Gems. Strong waves of feeling crash into Steven then, rendering him sobbing and mute except for when he stands and speaks of her greatness. He speaks of her stark intelligence, her wit, the way her smile captured him for almost sixty years of their lives. She was brilliant in and out of a crisis. She was a perfect fit to his heart.

The massive crowd of those whose lives Connie had touched eventually disperses. What's left behind is Steven, and the Crystal Gems, and select close family. The fresh dirt atop her grave doesn't feel real. Her aged body in eternal rest, while Steven remains on Earth with the skin of youth and still-black hair - will probably remain for some time, if not forever.

Everything they were together, it lives on in the memories of hundreds. But new memories can never be made again.

He lays a flower on her grave. When the time feels right, he adds a secondary stone into which the name _Stevonnie_ is etched, and puts a flower down for them too.


	15. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie get married.

“Connie, you look…” Steven can’t help but cover his mouth with one hand. Speechless.

A high blush rises to her cheeks. She smooths her hand down the front of her white tux jacket, fingers catching along the miniscule gold-orange threading and buttons of her double-breasted vest. “T-thanks. You look _amazing_ , Steven.” Her beautiful sword rests in its custom scabbard against her back. She is his knight. And he is her knight too.

Steven plays with the cuffs of his tailored black tux. He tries to blink away tears - can’t let the mascara run. Gentle, subtle orange is dusted over his eyelids and emphasized by thin black eyeliner wings. A boutonniere of marigold and one delicate stem of baby’s breath adorns his lapel. He didn’t go for the rose after all. Connie smiles proudly.

Their vows tumble easily out of their mouths, like any other conversation between them. They speak of protection and respect and fun and love. And before they know it, it’s time for them to slide identical rose-gold bands hand-crafted by Bismuth onto their ring fingers.

“Pffff, you two are so sappy,” Amethyst blows off, despite the fact that she's also crying.

“Aw, come on, Amethyst, just marry us already!” Steven laughs, tears beginning to fall. “I wanna hug my Connie!”

Connie brings a hand to her face and makes an incoherent happy noise.

“Fine, just for you two, nerds.” In her sharp black-and-white tux, Amethyst holds out her arms under the wedding arch. “I pronounce you two Steven and Connie!”

“So, Stevonnie, then?” Connie jokes quietly, but Steven just launches into her arms. They kiss gently, sweetly. A blaze of pink light engulfs the wedding venue.

And then Stevonnie is swaying, hugging themself, a huge grin on their face. They wear a black suit with white details and golden threading. Orange eyeliner matches their boutonnieres - baby breath on one lapel and marigold on another. Connie’s sword is strapped securely to their back.

Stevonnie looks out to their smiling, cheering, crying family. To Garnet, who can visibly barely keep her excitement at bay (and who had many, many ideas for the wedding). To Dad Universe, who cried when he heard the news that they would marry. To Dad and Mom Mahaeswaran, who unexpectedly _also_ cried, and gave them their blessing. To the Crystal Gems new and old, and the residents of Beach City that they’ve known for so long.

They are loved, and safe, and ready to take on anything. 

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could be permavonnie or not, it's up to interpretation!


	16. Solidarity 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomeph's second meeting with Stevonnie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is about Tomeph specifically so if you don't care for OCs feel free to skip!
> 
> Warning for implied transphobia and homophobia, as well as a line of misgendering (of an OC, not Stevonnie).
> 
> Also, "zaza" is a gender-neutral term for a parent (as opposed to mom or dad). Thomas's human parent is nonbinary, so he calls them zaza.

Thomas CiPollo and Joseph Marrow aren’t known as social butterflies. For Tomeph, this upcoming meeting is the most meaningful social contact he’s getting at the moment. He feels a bit of guilt at the fact that his components find it easier to talk to each other to the point of fusion, rather than socialize with anyone from their classes. Is that bad?

Conflict assaults him from both sides, Thomas tugging him against shame and Joseph tugging him towards it. His core fizzes for just a second, and he takes a moment to level himself out.

Maybe he has more to talk about with Stevonnie this time around.

Tomeph runs a nervous hand through his hair. This is the second time he’s met the legendary fusion Stevonnie, but he can’t seem to be any less nervous about it. He clasps his hands in his lap to stop from pulling his hair out - neither of his components do that, so why does Tomeph have that tic?

_Well, I bite my nails, that’s why zaza painted them for me -_

_Well, I pick my skin sometimes -_

Two concurrent thoughts crash together. The shape of his hands catch his eye - long fingers like Joseph, wider palms like Thomas, with foam-green nail polish that Thomas had been wearing before he fused.

“You don’t have to be together for the car ride, you know,” Marrow-mom pipes up as she turns the car onto the highway.

Tomeph fidgets in the passenger seat. More than anything, he wishes that CiPollo-zaza was able to drive him to this thing. That’s a universal desire. But Cipollo-zaza can’t drive him because they’re at an important conference.

“M…” he gets stuck between ‘Mrs. Marrow’ and ‘mom.’ “M-uhh - Joseph’s mom, I-I _want_ to be fused right now.” Neither of his components usually gather the courage to disagree with adults. Although CiPollo-zaza is really nice about it and encourages Thomas to open up.

“Just saying. The car has a backseat.”

_To stick Thomas back there and keep Joseph up front, probably._ “I’m comfortable like this.”

“I’m sure you are, but wouldn’t some independence do you both some good?”

Awkward silence descends upon them.

After a moment of Tomeph keeping his mouth shut, Marrow-mom sighs. “I don’t know what Thomas’s dad is thinking, encouraging this sort of behavior.”

“Thomas doesn’t have a dad,” he says, staring straight into the distance through the windshield.

“Sure.”

Tomeph feels crackling anger rise in him, buzzing in his gem and thrumming under his skin. Light flickers in the jade on the back of his hand. But nothing happens. Thomas doesn’t know how to use his powers at all yet, so it’s probably good that something doesn’t backfire while they’re in a moving car. He takes a deep, calming breath, and, like many other moments in his components’ lives, decides to keep quiet. But at least he’s not alone.

The road rumbles beneath them.

* * *

“I like your nail polish,” Stevonnie compliments. They’re so - majestic. Tall with long flowing hair. Today they’re wearing makeup, purple eyeshadow with winged eyeliner, and it looks _awesome._

_I want hair like that -_

_I mean,_ you _do, but I like my hair shorter -_

Tomeph blinks. “Thanks,” he manages. “I have a question.”

Stevonnie leans back in their chair. “What’s up?” Their smile is warm and inviting.

“Um.” He’s not really sure how to phrase his question, torn between vague brevity and complete honesty. He picks at his two-tone khakis. “Can fusing too much… be bad?”

Stevonnie raises their thick eyebrows. Oh no. Did he make them mad? They take a moment to respond. “It depends on the fusion. Garnet’s been fused for thousands of years. But even her components need their breaks sometimes, to work things out or simply be their own gems for a bit. I don’t think that’s what you mean, though.”

“It’s not?”

They shake their head. “It’s possible to fuse for the wrong reasons. For hatred, or power, or too much dependence on another person. When that happens, Steven and Connie talk it out and figure out exactly why one or the other wants to fuse so badly.” They become more serious. “There was a time when Steven wanted to be Stevonnie because he didn’t like himself, or know what he wanted to be. Him and Connie had to work that out and figure out when they wanted me to exist again, if ever. They took a break from me for a long time.”

“And what happened?”

They shrug with a smile. “I’m right here, aren’t I?”

Tomeph thinks about that. “Thomas and Joseph have a lot of trouble talking to people. But when they’re me, it’s easier.” He frowns. “I think that's partly why Joseph’s mom thinks I’m around too much. But…” He tenses. “I like being me. It’s not just a crutch. I _like_ it!” Aw man, is he about to cry in front of a literal warrior?

_Hey, it’s okay, we can cry -_

_No it’s not, it’s not okay at all!_

“You okay, Tomeph?”

“It’s not - I’m -” A searing glow engulfs his body, his form separating. Joseph and Thomas _pop_ onto the couch. Thomas is crying. Joseph’s jaw is clenched tight.

Before anyone can say anything, Joseph runs out of the room. Stevonnie stands, worry written clearly on their face.

They find Joseph curled up on a chair in the hallway outside the room.

“Hey,” Stevonnie says softly. “It’s okay.” Thomas nods behind them.

Joseph sniffs. “My mom doesn’t like looking at us. She hates it.”

Stevonnie frowns. “Hey.” They put a hand on Joseph’s shoulder. He turns to look at them. “Your mom told you that?”

“She was being mean as hell on the car ride here,” Thomas says, wiping his face. “And other times.” Joseph nods in affirmation.

Stevonnie kneels down. “Come here.” They open their arms. The two boys accept the embrace, both sniffling. “Even if Joseph’s mom is worried about why you fuse - even if she thinks Tomeph is a ‘crutch’ - she should be respectful when expressing that. Is she not?”

“She told me that Tomeph is gross,” Joseph says bitterly into Stevonnie’s shoulder.

“Whoa. That is _definitely_ not okay.” They pull back, a hand on each boy's shoulder. “Listen. There can be… counterproductive reasons to fuse. You have to be honest with yourself and your fusion buddy to figure out what your reasons are. Even if Tomeph is a confidence-booster, it’s clear to me that that’s not the only reason you guys fuse. But you have to be conscious about it. I don’t think he’s a crutch, but us humans are social creatures and it might be good for you to spend some time together without being Tomeph, and hang out with other friends too.” They stand. “But don’t let other people’s negative opinions affect how you see fusion.”

Thomas and Joseph nod, their eyes wet with tears. Together they come to hug Stevonnie, wrapping their arms around the fusion’s sides.

Despite everything, Stevonnie smiles down at them softly. _I think they'll be okay._


	17. Permafusion 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie figures that a family dinner is the best way to break the news.

Gems don’t mourn the presence of a permafusion's components. Amethyst and Pearl might enjoy Ruby and Sapphire’s company, and find themselves missing it after a rare visit from Garnet’s parts, but they don’t see the one Garnet as a loss of two Gems. After all, barring an outside influence, Gems live forever. Friends of a fusion technically have all the time in the world to see the fusion’s components again. And even if they didn’t, the friends understand fusion too - understand its inherently non-singular nature.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for humans.

Mom Maheswaran’s fork clatters sharply onto her plate. “You’re doing _what?_ ”

Stevonnie winces and pushes a bit of their pasta around on their plate. The beach house hasn’t had this many people in it in a few years. It’s starting to age just a little, wooden planks graying and infrastructure beginning to creak under weight. It had been nice, earlier, to pull out a table big enough for the whole family, to cook up a meal with Dad Maheswaran and help Dad Universe spruce up the table settings. Now, Stevonnie pokes their cute checkered-purple napkin ring with a sigh.

Across the table, Dad Maheswaran places a soothing palm on top of his wife’s hand. Dad Universe looks to be turning an interesting pale shade. And at the sides, the Gems are _ecstatic_.

Maybe the napkin rings were too much?

Amethyst smacks her hands on the table. “Wow, Stevonnie, that’s _huge_ news! Congrats!” Her arms become long noodles so that she can hug Stevonnie without leaving her seat. “You are blowing Garnet’s mind to _bits_ , dude.”

Stevonnie turns to Garnet, who has pressed a hand to her smiling mouth to stifle squeals.

“I’m sure Connie and Steven have talked this out at length?” Pearl said, not unkindly; a parental softness.

They nod firmly. “Yep! They’ve been thinking about this since Connie’s senior year.” It’s been four years since then. They start counting off on their fingers. “They discussed how I’ll navigate plans for finances, housing, work… and of course, they talked constantly about why they want to do this. And, well… this is what I’ve decided!” They playfully gesture to themself, the figure of a sturdy, strong eight-foot-tall experience. Connie cut her hair shorter last year and Steven’s been letting his grow a bit, so now Stevonnie’s hair is somewhere between a bob and a mullet. They actually like it a lot.

Pearl smiles with tears in her eyes. “Then I’m proud of you, Stevonnie. How wonderful!”

“Wait -” Mom Maheswaran interjects. “You can’t be saying this is completely… fine.” Worry and confusion furrow her brow. “Not to downplay the thought that Steven and Connie have put into this, but…” She turns to lock vulnerable eyes with her husband.

Dad Maheswaran says, “What if we want to see our children again?”

Beside him, Dad Universe seems to have gotten his breathing under control and has reduced his panic to carding through his hair. “Um, yeah - to be honest, Stevonnie, I’m worried about the same thing. Of course, as your parents, we all love Steven and Connie and you.” The word _love_ is twisted like a soaked rag to wring its meaning out, Greg trying to emphasize its truth as strongly as possible. “But as human parents of humans, I think it’s safe to say that all three of us - we’re concerned. And -” he rubs his neck. “I would miss being able to talk to Steven.”

“But…” Stevonnie’s throat dries impossibly fast. “You’re all looking at your kids right now, talking to them right now.” They stand from their chair, come over to their three human parents, and nod down at them. “Mom, Dad, Dad…” The joke falls flat. Oh jeez, they feel their voice breaking. “I love you.”

Mom Maheswaran swallows, looking up at Stevonnie. “What if I want to say it in person?”

“You are. And I already know.” They lean down and hug her. “All of me loves you too.” They pull back with wet eyes. “And - to be honest - I want this. _Really_ want this. But I’m not completely sure how it’s gonna pan out. I’ve done a lot of planning and thinking, but… I think you’ll see Steven and Connie again regardless. They’ll say hi sometimes.” They manage to crack a smile. “We should put together some family barbecues or something.”

Behind them, Pearl claps her hands together. “Oh, a fusion barbecue would be nice! Ruby and Sapphire could be there too, if they wish. Everyone seeing each other again!”

Garnet smiles softly. “They wouldn’t mind making an appearance, as long as you let Ruby cook the burgers.”

“I know it’s scary, but…” Amethyst shrugs. “Doesn’t Stevonnie seem really happy?”

The human parents turn to Stevonnie, who, despite the stress of this dinner, is absolutely shining. They’re confident, strong, and unwavering. They throw their human parents a smile that hopefully communicates their joy.

Dad Universe unceremoniously blows his nose into his fancy napkin. “Well, I guess we’re gonna have to schedule this barbecue!”

Tension bleeds from Stevonnie’s shoulders. Their tentative smile begins to take over their face, and people around the table start laughing. Their family loves them. And no matter how this plan goes, their family always will.


	18. Out in the Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lemon Jade needs a push, and she gets it in the form of Stevonnie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Outsider POV, but no OCs this time. If anyone doesn't remember, [Lemon Jade](https://steven-universe.fandom.com/wiki/Lemon_Jade) is the Jade fusion that Yellow poofed in "Together Alone." ^^

No matter how much time passes, Lemon Jade can’t seem to drum up the courage to attend Little Homeschool’s fusion seminar, or even to attend any classes in the first place.

It’s not because she doesn’t trust Earth. She just doesn’t trust much at all yet. Every time she thinks about standing around other fusions and hearing people talk about them, she shrinks away. And since there’s a lot more fusions now than there used to be, she spends a lot of time being lonely instead of going out. It’s better than the fear that strikes through her Gems when she sees other fusions, sees herself, and becomes scared of the consequences.

But still, her Jades don’t want to separate. Why would they? This is the happiest Lemon Jade’s ever felt, even though these times are still difficult. Her components are no longer imprisoned in cold, distanced holding cells, and for a while simply being together is enough.

That changes when a piece of paper slips through the mail slot into her Little Homeworld apartment. She’s trying to go outside more often - it’s a work in progress - but she still waits for whoever deposited the mail to go away before she picks it up. It’s a glossy flier, decorated with calming pastels that draw the eye towards the centered text.

_Calling all fusions! Want to learn more about the history of fusion? Eager to discover fusion’s intricate details?_ Fusion 101 _slots are still open for the Fall semester, run by the Crystal Gem’s Garnet! Featuring guest speakers Stevonnie (Founder Steven Universe and Knight Connie Mahaeswaran) and the Off Colors’ Fluorite._

Lemon Jade holds the paper tight in her wide, six-fingered hands. For a second she regrets registering her address as that of a fusion, but that regret has no place in Era 3.

You know what? The fusion seminar is probably filling up fast if other fusions are receiving this notice too. She’s gonna march right down to that sign-up center and put herself in some classes. Yeah. She can do this!

That enthusiasm dulls just a bit as she walks along the path headed to the School center. What is she thinking? This is terrifying. She was just fine staying at home. Doing nothing, talking to no one… Okay, so maybe it wasn’t fine, and maybe her fear is a bit irrational. But knowing that it’s silly isn’t enough to deter her from turning around and heading back home. So she starts to do just that.

… And immediately, she bumps straight into someone, scattering papers all over the place. They both fall to the ground.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Lemon Jade starts, scrambling to get up off the brick path. “I didn’t mean to -”

“No, it’s okay!”

The person she had bumped into... wild curling hair, tan skin, a pink gemstone embedded in their navel… _That’s Stevonnie._

Oh no. She just knocked over Stevonnie. She’s not sure whether the fear is from seeing another public fusion or from wronging a legend.

“I - are you sure? I really didn’t mean to!” She leans down and scrapes together some of the fliers that had been knocked out of Stevonnie’s hands. Oh. They’re copies of the Fusion 101 flier.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it!” They pick up the rest of their fliers and Lemon Jade plops her half of the stack into their waiting hands. “Hey, you’re Lemon Jade, right?”

“You know me?” Wow, Stevonnie _knows her!_

“Yeah!” Their face is bright and cheery. “I was there when you fused in solidarity with the Crystal Gems at the Era 3 ball. You didn’t have to do that. It was very brave of you.”

“Oh, thank you! It just… felt right.” She blushes.

Stevonnie’s returning smile is somehow serious; they touch Lemon Jade’s arm lightly. “That’s how it should feel. Yellow should never have reacted the way she did.”

Not many Gems from that Ball attend Little Homeschool, much less remember Lemon Jade. “Thank you. I know that now, but it’s really nice to hear.”

“Of course.” They shift the papers in their arms and stop, as if just remembering that they had them. “Oh, by the way, have you taken Fusion 101 yet?”

“Oh - I haven’t taken any classes yet. I was just on my way to sign up for some, actually.” Well, she was really just about to head back home, defeated before she even made it to the building, but Stevonnie’s here now. She’s not completely sure why, but things are suddenly looking a bit brighter.

“That’s great! Maybe Fusion 101 can be one of your starter courses. If you’re interested, of course!” They elbow Lemon Jade in a friendly gesture. “I’m one of the guest speakers, if that’s any incentive.”

Before she knows it, she has another flier in her hands.

“Think about it!” Stevonnie calls out, already heading off to deliver more fliers. “It’s great to see you again, LJ!”

“You too!” She shouts back. Once Stevonnie’s disappeared behind the corner, she takes another look at the flier that seems to be following her. Perhaps it's a sign.

At the start of the fall semester, Lemon Jade arrives only a few minutes early to Fusion 101. Their instructor, Garnet, is seated calmly at the front of the group, waiting for Gems to claim their seats. The class seems to be almost entirely made up of fusions, though some singular Gems are in attendance as well.

So many unique and beautiful fusions. The sight fills her with near-overwhelming joy, a prideful sort of happiness. But still, she wilts at the reminder of fusions in a group, of Yellow Diamond’s response: an electrifying blow that tore her in two and immediately dissipated both her Jades. For a second she thinks of running off.

Stevonnie walks in and says something softly to Garnet, who cracks a smile. Oh! They’re here for the first class? Stevonnie scans the crowd, smiling at familiar and unfamiliar faces alike, and when their eyes meet that of Lemon Jade, they give her a big thumbs up.

At the gesture, she’s filled with warmth, and her mind is made up. She inches towards a chair and takes her seat.

If anyone wants to blast her or any of these wonderful fusions for being out in the open, she’d just like to see them try. She’s done hiding now. She’s ready to be free.


	19. The DMV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie has a bad experience at the DMV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for some light misgendering
> 
> this is directly inspired by tlok_is_bad's comment from two chapters ago, so thanks so much!!!

“I’m sorry, ma’am, can you please explain again?”

Stevonnie huffs. Their tense fists wrinkle and crease their paperwork. DMVs aren’t exactly a fun place to be, but this is just ridiculous. They brought every piece of documentation they needed as well as Steven and Connie’s too, for good measure, and this employee just isn’t getting it. It doesn’t help that there’s people waiting in line behind them, probably tapping their feet and checking their watches impatiently - but Stevonnie takes a deep breath and reminds themself that they’re not responsible for anyone in the damn DMV but themself. These people knew what they were signing up for when they decided to step into this cursed liminal space.

“I’m not a ma’am,” Stevonnie reiterates, pulling up their Fusion certificate _again_. They get the confusion - it’s a new type of documentation, only valid in Delmarva for maybe a week so far, but seriously?

They slip the paper across the counter again. It reads:

> **CERTIFICATE OF FUSION**
> 
> This Certifies That  _STEVONNIE_ (Recipient), _XXXXXX_ , (SSN/GRN*) is a registered identity within the State of Delmarva. This Certificate is in compliance with Section 34(2) of the Fusion chapter of the Gem Ordinance of Delmarva, enacted 07/06/2018, and as such, the recipient of this Certificate is entitled to certain functions within the State and Federal government as outlined in Section 34(3).
> 
> COMPONENTS: Two (2)
> 
> _ STEVEN Q. C. P. DEMAYO DIAMOND UNIVERSE . _SSN/GRN: _XXX-XX-XXXX_
> 
> _CONNIE MAHESWARAN ._ SSN/GRN: _XXX-XX-XXXX_
> 
> GENDER of recipient: [ ]male [ ]female [x]nonbinary [ ]prefer not to say [ ]other: 
> 
> For a full list of entitled functions and legal implications, please refer to Section 34 of the Gem Ordinance, available by mail-in request, in-person at State Government locations, or digitally at delmarva.gov/legislation/publications/Gem-Ordinance.pdf.
> 
> _*Gem Register Number_

The lady at the counter squints at the certificate, even though Stevonnie had already shown it to her perhaps two minutes ago. “I’m sorry, I’ve just never seen this before. I don’t know what this is talking about.”

“Ma’am. There’s a link printed right there if you need to read about it.” Stevonnie taps the certificate desperately. “Though you’re supposed to have a copy here,” they mutter under their breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Stevonnie’s breathing exercises are kind of not helping anymore. “I just - where’s the person that I talked to on the phone? They knew what I was talking about.”

“Oh, that must have been Cheryl!” The lady drums her fingers against the table, taking a second to think. She then sucks in air through her teeth. “Sorry she just went on vacation.”

The only person in this entire building that apparently pays attention to relevant updates to Delmarva law… is on vacation.

Stevonnie just wants to get their own driver’s license so that they won’t get arrested for taking the Dondai out for a spin once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

If Stevonnie weren’t _Stevonnie_ , this would have been much easier. But since they’re a fusion and the whole idea of registering an Experience for a driver’s test is apparently bonkers, they’re fuming in front of a desk at the DMV, trying and failing to even be allowed to take the stupid little computer quiz that asks you what certain road signs mean. And that’s just for a learner’s permit.

They can feel the rage building, an interesting combination of pink-hot anger and righteous fury at the failings of local government.

They close their eyes for just a second.

_I hate being angry when I’m me_.

Stevonnie grasps their papers tightly, making sure that they have everything. Breathe in. Breathe out. “I’m just going to come back some other time, thank you.” It’s perfectly cordial. They say goodbye to the lady at the desk and walk out into the summer sun.

Beams of sunlight bounce off of Dad Universe’s van as they tug the passenger-side door open and slide inside, pulling their long legs in and making sure their hair is completely inside before they shut the door. They’d only had to learn that lesson once.

Dad Universe politely turns down the metal that he had apparently been rocking out to while he waited. “So, were you able to register for the driver’s test?” He asks naively.

Wordlessly, Stevonnie reaches backwards into the back of the van, grabs a pillow, and screams into it.


End file.
